John Bradshaw always states that the "disease of the disease" is codependency.  There is a belief that you can not be an
alcoholic or an addict without being codependent.  The two walk hand in hand.

When recovering from an addiction, we need to be careful not to substitute it with a new addiction.
Cherokee named Messenger
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Recognizing Codependency...

A lot of codependency looks very honorable to the outside
world.  They see someone taking care of a sick spouse
and see it as an act of love... but when does this giving
love turn into receiving abuse?  There are so many
extremes with it that a person quickly loss their own identity.
extremes of codependency
I have gotten so involved in making the life of another complete, that I have lost
mine.  The image above is a chart with the extremes of codependency while the
middle shows the traits of a healthy relationship.  Click on it to blow it up.
The Promises of Coda...

Many fellowships have a set of Promises that is the goal for those in the program.  Most say "we" or "our" CODA says "I" and it
needs to be that way.  We have to take care of ourselves first before helping others.
al-anon and alateen
So ill… So sick

so ill... so sick
spit in the mirror
at an image that won't go away
fell into a trap
thought it was love
just... dysfunctional needs

a need to feel power
to be in control
to be a hero... your hero
a show of strength
providing protection
from this evil world

a need for your acceptance
a wonderful high... your approval
over time... this need
needed more
more approval... more love
more acceptance

yet... got less
fantasies were lies
love was manipulation
to fulfill needs
dysfunctional needs
so ill... so sick
If I am I because I am I
And you are you because you are you
Then I am and you are.

But if I am I because you are you
And you are you because I am I
Then I am not and you are not.

- Rabbi Mendel
Promises of Emotions Anonymous

somewhere in the humiliation
there is a sense of excitement
it's the thrill of the chase
to be caught
tied up in emotions and feelings
beyond our control

to willingly be forced
to look inside
and find something
released through insecurities
the humiliation... throws away
our childhood boundaries

the anxiety leads to fantasies
illusions never dreamed before
at least... consciously
locked doors blown away
to a new world
providing a freedom to explore

a new journey begins
following someone else's rules
agreeing to the humiliation
which over time leaves
and acceptance follows
filling the soul with peace
"I'm OK"
Finally Walking Together

never thought you'd see the fantasy
it's led to a little insecurity
a part of me has been revealed
the secret has been unsealed
ashamed of what you might think
my ego began to shrink

you didn't didn't cry
wasn't sure what was going on inside
kept quiet... someday... I thought
you'd want to talk
but you played some games
the fantasy was now driving me insane

hot as fire... cold as ice
at times angry... at times nice
you'd walk away... than let me in
didn't know if I sink or swim
couldn't just walk away
wanted the fantasy to stay

I know it's pure insanity
please God... please help me see
the child that's buried within
wishing to be free from this sin
tonight I'll pray that you'll set me free
so we can walk together... You and me
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last updated on 13 May 2017
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by surrendering to codependency
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