by accepting reality
The sad part is that this person is going through the same pain again, this time doing it alone. They pushed me away and now they
have no one to turn too. Yet, they still can’t apologize or recognize how I was a rock for them.
Everyone has regrets from their past. The only thing we can do to put them to rest is acknowledge them and apologize whenever we
can. As for those who have harmed us, we pray for them. We pray to take their power away and to not let them become our Higher
Power. Ultimately, whoever hurt us may not be on the same path of recovery as we are. We can’t force them to make amends, nor
should we expect it. Sometimes you just need to cut ties and move on.
As the years begin to pass me by, it is hard not to reflect on my life. Lost friendships, lost loves… just so much lost. Don’t get me
wrong, I am very happy with how my life has turned out, yet I can’t help and look back at the destruction of my life.
From early childhood, watching my father beat the living shit out of my mom. To see the both of them destroy their lives because of
the urge to drink… and to not only destroy their lives but the lives of their children as well. I used to think I was the only one who was
screwed up but it is easy to see from our history that I wasn’t the only one with a few screws that were loose.
Then as a teenager I began to carry the same self destructive behaviours that my parents had. That bothers me more today than
anything my parents did to me. The fact is that my dad was out of control, my mom was out of control, and they were in control of me.
As a young man and as an adult, no one had control
over me. I could come up with many reasons for my
destructive behaviour but none of them makes it right.
I look back at friendships I had where people treated
me fairly and I did whatever I could to stab them in the
back. I look at romantic relationships where I was
given the world – emotionally and spiritually – and I
walked all over these people until they had nothing left
Through the 12 Steps I have made amends. To those
who have either passed away or I have not found,
there is a willingness to correct those wrongs. And
looking at these people I can’t help but feel at deep
regret for those who have died and our relationship
ended with horrible memories.
On the other side of the coin, I look at those who have
hurt me and I have never been acknowledged for the
pain caused. From family members, to friends, to
romantic relationships, I too have been hurt.
Most of these people I have forgiven because it does
me no good to carry grudges. In fact, all of them I
have forgiven, yet some still linger in my mind for how
insensitive and uncaring they were. And it hurts that
my constructive contributions to those relationships
have never been acknowledged. They have been by
friends, but never by that particular person.